It's All New….

Well...

2-1/2 years.

2-1/2 years since I started here.  

2-1/2 years since I thought I'd make my dreams come true 

and my mission realized.

2-1/2 years since I began to publicly share my thoughts and dreams with the world.

2-1/2 years since I thought my thoughts and dreams would help others in the world.

2-1/2 years and the best I've done was share my thoughts thrice in one year.

2-1/2 years since I even believed my thoughts were worth sharing.

2-1/2 years that I feel have slipped by.  

2/1-2 years that my heart has closed off to avoid the hurt of reality.

2-1/2 years that my heart has hardened a bit.

Or has it loosened a bit?

2-1/2 years that ended in losing our house

and moving place to place.

2-1/2 years that brings me to new lessons 

and a place where I have to grow even stronger 

or lose everything that is dear to me.

2-1/2 years...

That's a long time.

But not as long as I have been hiding.  

Hiding the truth from everyone.

---

…that I'm not superwoman

---

…that I was in a relationship that took more out of me than it gave

…that I was in a relationship that contributed to me feeling less than I was worth

…that I was not treated as I deserved to be treated and I didn't know what to do about it
…that I didn't understand my faith properly and I used it to justify a situation that lessened me 

---

…that the person I allowed in my heart 

never fully commited to me

---

…that I don't know 

how to choose a life partner properly

---

…that I've made this mistake before

---

...that I was never really in a marriage

---

…that I not only married the worst in my father

but also the worst in my mother
(and we ALL have things inside us that are not our best qualities)

---

…that I brought a child into this world 

whose needs I could not completely meet

~ and no parent can completely meet all their child's needs

---

…that I brought a child into this world 

who would not have a strong male role model 

unless something drastically changed 

in another person.

A change that I could not make happen.

A change that never happened.

---

…that he would never be truly treasured by both of his parents

I've wasted many more than 2-1/2 years.

But were they truly wasted?

Many say yes.

I say no.

I did what I needed to do at the time.

To protect my child.

With the only resources I had at the time.

To raise my child and not let society raise him.

And am I done?

  

NO

I am not done.

He's on the brink of puberty and just finding himself.

Am I going to change what I do?

NO

I am always going to put his needs before the needs of what is going on around us.  

My challenge, though, is to figure out how to meet all of our needs.

A healthy life not only includes the mind, body and spirit,

but relationships with family, community and the world

...as well as finances…

That's the one I've neglected.

Finances.

I've not had a lot of support to help raise my child, financial or otherwise.

 Family values, morals and faith are important to me.
They are the foundation on which this family is built.

They can't take a back seat to anything else.

They are strong in our family.

That means that popular culture takes a back seat.

That means that we do things a bit differently.

I also respect the healing power that God put in the body
and that most of the time we must not interfere with that.
I respect the healing power of real food,
not man-made, adulterated food products.
I respect that there are many toxins in this world that we are exposed to…
many that we are not even aware we are exposed to.
I respect that what we do to the world we do to ourselves.

And that means that I must find a support system that respects that.

Not a support system that does everything the same way that we do.  

Just one that respects what we do.

That honors where we are and where we want to go.

One that will lift us up and not tear us down.

Gratefully, we have segments of that.  

We have wonderful homeschool friends.
Being houseless, I found that I have a few generous friends willing to share their homes.

But at the end of the day, I have no one.
No one to talk to.

No one to lift me up.
No one to say "keep it up - you are doing great…you can do this".  

No one that calls me on a regular basis.
Just to see if I am alive.

No one that would notice if I just vanished off the earth.

Now that my boy is older, I worry less.

He's older and more spiritually and emotionally mature.

Not ready for the world, but stronger in spirit.

At this stage, as I move forward, I may have to make changes that I am not comfortable with.  As I seek legal protection for finances, I surrender some measure of protection for my son.  Protection for his spiritual and emotional needs.

and YES

I am going to do many things differently.
I am going to truly put our family's needs before everyone's expectations.
I will not concern myself with what other people think of me.
Or of my child.
He's perfect the way he is.
I've always let him bloom where he was planted.
Yes, I tried at times to make things better.
I think we all make that mistake.
But I let him bloom.
And as he approaches adolescence,
I need to let him bloom in different ways.
Ways of letting go.
Ways of helping him find himself.
Giving him the opportunities of independence in small increments.
As he is ready and able.
As he is emotionally mature enough to handle.
As he is spiritually mature enough to handle.
As he is physically mature enough to handle.
He's growing up and things will be different every day.
But things will also be the same.
The foundation on which I build our family will stay the same.

Faith.
God first.

Respect
Reverence
Responsibility

We will focus our sights on serving the Lord
and use our God given talents
to help others in this world with their challenges.

A servant's heart.
That's what I want for him.
But to have a servant's heart
for the Lord and serve others,
we must love and care for ourselves first.
We need to look at all our needs and meet them.
 Finances are a part of that.
How else can we take care of ourselves (so others don't have to)
and then take care of others?
How else can we minister and give if we don't have the finances to do it?
How can we tithe and allow others to use our share if we don't have enough for ourselves?
How can we care for our world if we are always looking for the best deal?
The deal that robs others of their wages or their health to create that best deal for us?
I am always criticized that I spend my money on various things that are much more expensive. 

Things that do not rob from the earth or our human resources.
Maybe part of my ministry is to not create harm for others
by being selfish and wanting more for my situation. 

But to create understanding.
And to help others realize
that they need to look beyond their own personal economics

~ that saving money when the costs to the earth or to those who produced it are great ~
and look at the greater economics of how they spend their money.  

October 1, 2014

Old Beginnings

Sometimes life takes you where you want to go.  Sometimes it takes you where you need to go.  Anyway, life will take you if you don't take yourself.

So much has happened that I thought would be resolved by now.  

But it hasn't.  

And now all those "old" new beginnings need to happen.  

All at once. 

Here.  

Now.  

A time for resolution.  

And closure.  

So I am closing an old and very lengthy chapter on my life.  And opening a new one.  Maybe even starting a new book.  Writing it this time, listening to my Co-author even more closely.  Or maybe just actually listening to Him.

By that I mean not just listening, but acting upon, that still, quiet voice inside of me that knows what to do.  I listen most of the time.  But often, what is asked of me is different than what is expected of me.  And while I surely rock the boat and march to a different drummer, when it comes to really doing what I need to do for myself, I lay down in the ship and hand over my drumsticks.

That is about to change…..

New Beginnings

Well, solvitur ambulando.  I have begun walking.  Just not publicly (not posting) so that everyone could see it, but I am on that journey.  I needed that space to sort it all out.  Sometimes to organize things, you need to take everything out and put it on the dining room table to sort through it.  So to spare everyone from seeing that jumbled mess that didn't make very much sense, I needed to sit back and sort before I could be clear enough to make sense to others.

So much has happened this past 5 months that it makes my head spin to see what I have been through.  But then again, I look back on the past 10 years and what I have endured has made my head spin, too.  But now I've reached the top of a few hills and the view is beautiful.  A bit scary in places, but beautiful.  And there are so many more mountains to climb.

The next hill that I'm currently scaling is the AutismOne Conference here in Chicago from May 22 through May 26.  I am co-coordinating the Culinary Day on May 23 with a wonderful colleague of mine, Sueson Vess.  It has been an experience.  I've presented many seminars and coordinated many programs and each one is unique.  And I have learned quite a few lessons from this one.  It should be a wonderful day filled with good food, good knowledge and caring people ministering to warrior parents, mostly moms, who are navigating the challenges of healing autism and spectrum disorders.

In the process, and in the spirit of full disclosure, I am navigating my own healing challenges.  There are times in your life when you can just manage the stressors in your life the best that you can given the resources that you have and then there are times in life when you are called to action.  And sometimes new and bigger challenges call you to action.  Or sometimes you just get enough resources to lift you high enough to leap over them.  And resources are not just the financial aspects, but the social and interpersonal aspects.  I think that that the social support is much more valuable than the financial.  It  cushions you when you fall and gives you enough of a boost to jump higher than you did before.

So, I will progress with healing my challenges that feel so all encompassing.  They are creating physical challenges in my life that need to be resolved before the imbalance becomes something more.  It is all related.  When the body is out of balance, the mind and spirit are out of balance.  When challenges affect the spirit and the mind, it knocks the body out of balance.  Then this vicious spiral becomes overpowering.  Sometimes a person only has enough energy to stop the downward fall.  But it takes a lot of energy and great courage to climb back out of that hole.  I've been feeling the physical effects of that spiral and know that if I don't change it now, the climb back up will be that much harder when the body is so weak that disease takes over.

So the new beginning ~ again.  Seems like there have been many new starts.  Many setbacks.  But I will never give up.  Never, ever give up.  I'll keep climbing and have enough compassion for myself to allow grace to cover my missteps.  Please do the same for yourself and do join me on this wonderful journey called life.

Solvitur Ambulando

So, it has been half a year since I have taken to the blog or seriously attempted to achieve my goals.  A long hiatus for the blogosphere, but not so much for humans.  In my perfectionistic attitude, I felt that I "had" to make it perfect, to craft each post with purpose, intent, resolve and flow.  Well, everything I do (that I actually do and not just plan, plan, plan.......we'll go into "the paralysis of perfection" more at a later date) is with purpose and it will all flow if I but begin.  My intent has always been to do good and I have a strong resolve once I get out of the paralysis planning phase.  So......

Solvitur ambulando.  

To solve it, begin walking.

So here I am.  I begin walking.  Not striving for perfection, but excellence.  For which I have always striven for ~ except for those times when that perfectionist bug hits me.  And striving without fear.  Without the fear of "what will people think", "what if 'they' think am wrong", "what if no one cares"......

What if.     

         What if.  

                 What if.

Well, those nagging thoughts may still be there.  I think it is unreasonable to believe that fear will go away.  I tell my son that to be brave you must feel fear.  It is courage and bravery that moves you forward in truth despite the fear you may feel. So, onward I will strive, without allowing the limitations of fear to hamper me, without allowing it to silence my voice.

So thank you, dear St. Augustine, for these wonderful words to remind us all of this simple truth.....

Solvitur ambulando.

Just begin.

Now.

Mindful Monday ~ Where to Begin

Now is the time to become aware of what is working in your life and what is not working.  What needs to work differently?  It is important to take the time to look at what is going on inside of you and what you want going on inside of you.

 How healthy are you?

We are always moving on this journey, either towards optimal health, towards life, or away from optimal health, towards death.

Which direction are you moving in?  

So what is your prompt to change your pattern of habits? Or to just review your habits? Do you want to live your best life? Do you want to feel better? Is there something that is interfering with the way you get through your day? Do you have a definable illness? Do you feel different than you did a few years ago?

Well, whatever the reason, now is the time to change it. If you are thinking about it, the time has come to act on it. Make a list of the things that need to change, an inventory of your symptoms ~ the things that are bothering you about yourself ~ things that are bothering you in general......body odor, lack of sleep, irritability, itching, easy bruising, feeling despondent, 30 extra pounds, allergies, etc.

Then make a list of what you would like to see.....the changes in your life that you would like to actualize ~ achieving your ideal weight, feeling happier, being more peaceful, having better relationships, handling difficult situations easier, waking up refreshed rather than tired, eliminating bloating, gas or heartburn.....whatever your issues are. Take stock of what is right and what is wrong ~ this will help you determine whether you are moving in the right direction as you make changes.

Why two separate lists?  Well, the vision of what life could be like is a great driving force to make the necessary changes and stick with them.  When things are not going as you wish they would or it gets difficult to actually make the changes, this vision will help you to keep your "eyes on the prize" ~ the prize of optimal health.

So then, why list all the negative things?  Well, as things get better (and they will if you make the changes and the effort), you can start crossing things off your list.  And what a good feeling that is!  And it helps to remind you of what your "issues" were in case they should reappear in the future.  If you have been feeling optimally for a while and then slowly slip back into old habits, those old symptoms will sneak up on you again.  A list helps to remind you that you conquered this before and can do it again!

As you begin this journey to greater wellness, periodically check in to see how your are doing. Check your symptom list.  Has anything gotten better? Worse? Been eliminated?  It is important to remember that in the beginning, things may actually worsen.  Certain symptoms may be made worse by "cleaning" your system out.  Your body has to work to get rid of the junk that was cleaned out and that takes energy.  It also clogs the normal detoxification pathways, so things may back up a little, worsening symptoms.  This is normal.  There's even a medical term for it......Herxheimer reaction.  And the degree of reaction depends on the severity of the problem, as well as your body's ability to manage it.  And sometimes we underestimate the severity of the problem because it snuck up on us so insidiously.

And remember, health is multidimensional.  It is not just physical well being, it is also emotional, spiritual, social, financial and mental well being.  All of these interact with each other.  Each can act as a stressor and cause a response in your body and each response affects your overall health, positive or negative.  So don't forget to include those in your inventory.

So grab a notebook (or a pretty journal) and start your jounal for optimal health.  Start by listing these two things, your symptoms and your vision of the health you would like to have.  Tomorrow we will talk about where to start on this road to health.  And best wishes on your Journey to Optimal Health!  Buon Viaggio!

The First Step

Well, it appears as though I have forgotten this blog.  It (the blogging powers that be) somehow published my first entry with the date I had opened this account.  Not the actual day I published the entry.  That being said, it is still one month since I published that entry.  So much has happened in that month that it was hard to create a rhythm.  So here I am, creating my new rhythm and moving forward.  Dedicated to my health and to helping others to attain and maintain theirs.

So now what is the next step?  Well, the next step is to decide what needs to be done.  In order to do that, you really need to understand what creates your health and what detracts from your health.  So, here's a little snapshot of what affects your health.  This way you can take control of and make good decisions regarding your health and your family's health.

Pure air, pure water, real food, energizing exercise, restorative rest, stillness and inspiration and recognizing the hazards/toxins in your life and removing them.  

Simple.  

It really is as simple as that.  Yet oh so complicated.

Good stuff creates health, bad stuff takes it away.  Not quickly, but slowly.  So slowly that we often don't even realize what it is that is making us feel bad.  So slowly that sometimes we don't even realize that we are not feeling our best.  We consider minor inconveniences ~ aches, pains, getting winded easier, the dull throb in our heads, the bloating, the unexpected gas, the dizziness or fogginess in the head, the cramping in our guts, loss of enjoyment, crabbiness, etc, etc, etc ~ as normal.  We get acclimated to each diminished feeling so slowly that one day we wake up and realize that we are not the same person.  We don't feel the same.  We can't do the same things.  We don't look the same.  We are different.  Somehow less.  Not less in the eyes of God, but less in the life force we have inside of us.  Less less able to live up to our true potential, less able to fulfill our mission in life.  And somehow, we've come to accept this as normal.  In the words of Joel Salatin (or rather the title of his new book) ~ "Folks, this ain't normal".  He is talking about chickens and family farming, but the parallel exists for what we are accepting as normal ~ because we have forgotten what normal really is.

We don't know what the good stuff is or what the bad stuff is.  We don't know what normal is or what abnormal is.  We have come to judge things, or decide on things, based on society's perception, society's judgement, society's decisions.  We decide on things based on convenience.  We decide things based on ease.  We decide things based on the experts and what they advise us.  We have stopped thinking about things on our own.  We blindly trust what is fed to us.  "They" wouldn't hurt us.  "They" wouldn't recommend something that could be harmful.  "They" would take "it" away if "they" found it to be unsafe.  Well, who are "they", anyway?  And what do "they" base their recommendations on?

It is good to ask those questions.  Keep asking.  Find the answers that make sense to you and your life.  Don't listen to any one expert, even me.  Make your own decisions.  Pay attention to how it all fits in with what you are experiencing.  Stop and learn to listen to the wisdom of your body.  It will tell you what is right.  But you have to stop long enough and listen well enough to really hear what it is saying to you.

Welcome!

Welcome to this space.  A healing space.  A space dedicated to health.  For discovering what it is.  For claiming it, reclaiming it or rejoicing in it. 

A space where we can journey together......with each other.
On the road to true health.

You see, health is greater than the absence of identifiable dis~ease.  It is more than just not feeling bad.  It is more than just "not breaking down".  


It is living optimally.....to our highest God-given potential.  

It is not just surviving.......it is thriving!

Many of us have been so disconnected with how we can really feel
that we no longer know what health is.
Or what it feels like.

Many of us have been so far removed from real food that our bodies crave the processed, food-like substances that are so prevalent at the supermarket.

Many of us are just happy to get through the day without any aches and pains.  Or embarrassing gastrointestinal issues.  Or embarrassing, inconvenient or dangerous forgetfulness.  Or a host of other inconvenient and uncomfortable things that can happen to us or to our bodies.

Many of us just hit the pillow at night exhausted, not just tired.  Only to have trouble falling asleep.  Or to awaken in the middle of the night.  Or to sleep fitfully.  Or to awaken much too early.

Many of us are so busy that we can't seem to take the time to figure out what is really wrong or how to change any of this.

So, we leave it up to the "professionals" to tell us what is wrong.  And what we should do about it.  Well, there aren't any professionals that are experts on my life.  Other than me.  Or you in your life.  We are the ones who should make the decisions about our own health and our own lives.  And take responsibility for those decisions, as well as their outcomes.

This life is a gift.
A beautiful gift.
Given to us to use wisely.
Not to suffer needlessly.

How will we ever live up to our mission in life if we are not living up to our full potential??

I hope you will take this journey with me.  A journey to discovering what true health is.
What creates health.....
and what takes it away......
What it is for each of us.
And what it is for our families.

Because what ultimately creates optimal health for me
may be somewhat different
than what creates it for you.
We are all born and gifted with inherent strengths and limitations.
Unique to only us.
Areas in our lives that only we can discover.
Join me on this journey and discover what influences your inner landscape.