New Beginnings

Well, solvitur ambulando.  I have begun walking.  Just not publicly (not posting) so that everyone could see it, but I am on that journey.  I needed that space to sort it all out.  Sometimes to organize things, you need to take everything out and put it on the dining room table to sort through it.  So to spare everyone from seeing that jumbled mess that didn't make very much sense, I needed to sit back and sort before I could be clear enough to make sense to others.

So much has happened this past 5 months that it makes my head spin to see what I have been through.  But then again, I look back on the past 10 years and what I have endured has made my head spin, too.  But now I've reached the top of a few hills and the view is beautiful.  A bit scary in places, but beautiful.  And there are so many more mountains to climb.

The next hill that I'm currently scaling is the AutismOne Conference here in Chicago from May 22 through May 26.  I am co-coordinating the Culinary Day on May 23 with a wonderful colleague of mine, Sueson Vess.  It has been an experience.  I've presented many seminars and coordinated many programs and each one is unique.  And I have learned quite a few lessons from this one.  It should be a wonderful day filled with good food, good knowledge and caring people ministering to warrior parents, mostly moms, who are navigating the challenges of healing autism and spectrum disorders.

In the process, and in the spirit of full disclosure, I am navigating my own healing challenges.  There are times in your life when you can just manage the stressors in your life the best that you can given the resources that you have and then there are times in life when you are called to action.  And sometimes new and bigger challenges call you to action.  Or sometimes you just get enough resources to lift you high enough to leap over them.  And resources are not just the financial aspects, but the social and interpersonal aspects.  I think that that the social support is much more valuable than the financial.  It  cushions you when you fall and gives you enough of a boost to jump higher than you did before.

So, I will progress with healing my challenges that feel so all encompassing.  They are creating physical challenges in my life that need to be resolved before the imbalance becomes something more.  It is all related.  When the body is out of balance, the mind and spirit are out of balance.  When challenges affect the spirit and the mind, it knocks the body out of balance.  Then this vicious spiral becomes overpowering.  Sometimes a person only has enough energy to stop the downward fall.  But it takes a lot of energy and great courage to climb back out of that hole.  I've been feeling the physical effects of that spiral and know that if I don't change it now, the climb back up will be that much harder when the body is so weak that disease takes over.

So the new beginning ~ again.  Seems like there have been many new starts.  Many setbacks.  But I will never give up.  Never, ever give up.  I'll keep climbing and have enough compassion for myself to allow grace to cover my missteps.  Please do the same for yourself and do join me on this wonderful journey called life.

Solvitur Ambulando

So, it has been half a year since I have taken to the blog or seriously attempted to achieve my goals.  A long hiatus for the blogosphere, but not so much for humans.  In my perfectionistic attitude, I felt that I "had" to make it perfect, to craft each post with purpose, intent, resolve and flow.  Well, everything I do (that I actually do and not just plan, plan, plan.......we'll go into "the paralysis of perfection" more at a later date) is with purpose and it will all flow if I but begin.  My intent has always been to do good and I have a strong resolve once I get out of the paralysis planning phase.  So......

Solvitur ambulando.  

To solve it, begin walking.

So here I am.  I begin walking.  Not striving for perfection, but excellence.  For which I have always striven for ~ except for those times when that perfectionist bug hits me.  And striving without fear.  Without the fear of "what will people think", "what if 'they' think am wrong", "what if no one cares"......

What if.     

         What if.  

                 What if.

Well, those nagging thoughts may still be there.  I think it is unreasonable to believe that fear will go away.  I tell my son that to be brave you must feel fear.  It is courage and bravery that moves you forward in truth despite the fear you may feel. So, onward I will strive, without allowing the limitations of fear to hamper me, without allowing it to silence my voice.

So thank you, dear St. Augustine, for these wonderful words to remind us all of this simple truth.....

Solvitur ambulando.

Just begin.

Now.